Can you share a lesson that you learned later in life and how it has impacted your current lifestyle, mentality, or attitude?

It’s very refreshing.

I have ruined my sleep & rest hours with nonsense calls from nonsense people. No matter what the time, I have picked up their calls & listened to their rant for hours. I could not be blunt saying, ‘no am not interested in talking’

I always felt obligated to be polite, to be accommodating, to be the “nice” person because the dictionary of ‘good girl’ means they should be accommodating according to the society.

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I couldn’t say No to strangers talking & invading my personal life. It made me uncomfortable but somehow I entertained forcibly. This made me realize that I was an easy target for them. They thought of me as an easy prey. This always ended up hurting me because I knew there should be a boundary set , yet I couldn’t set it as I was just a naive small town girl

I was always that one eager person to help someone in need without realising the consequences it might have. I have helped people from Quora & other places during the time when I had nothing on me. I couldn’t say No when a man manipulated me into giving him a huge amount for his daughters education during Covid. I later got fed up asking him to return. He returned after two years. His wife was a working lady at a good corporate place. He lied to me as he wanted money for his alcohol addiction

I lost a lot of my time to help, keeping my needs aside & the favour was never returned because most people took my time for granted & I also hesitated to ask for help

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Everytime I said yes when I wanted to say no, I paid the price.

Whether it was a friend asking for a favor, an invitation I didn’t feel like accepting, or even a stranger requesting my time, I hesitated to say no

But my mind wouldn’t let go of it.

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Many people especially girls will be able to connect with this answer.

I am thankful to my profession & how I started from scratch that I was able to become so blunt & straight forward.

No is a complete sentence & it should not be just used for CONSENT for sex.

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It has been an easy life.

This is how I paid for not being able to say NO.

It’s very freeing.

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It’s very settling.

But here’s the hard truth I learned much later in life.

I lost a lot of money trying to fit in. I don’t like expensive English meals at fancy restaurants. But my friends did. I couldn’t say No thinking I would be judged. But I love ‘Desi food’. I didn’t enjoy the food, & I ended up paying huge split bills so many times

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No meant she is being rebellious.

It drained me, messed with my peace, and cluttered my mind with unnecessary stress.

I used to be the kind of person who found it incredibly hard to say no. I would keep people’s feelings above mine.

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It’s very freeing.

I would spend hours, sometimes days, replaying the decision in my head, regretting my response, wishing I had been honest.

-Smita Mishra

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